


You Can Step-Ball-Touch Into My Heart

by brutalmooses



Category: Brutalmoose - Fandom, Hidden Block (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-03 13:57:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17285363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brutalmooses/pseuds/brutalmooses
Summary: Ian has tried to remain as invisible as possible within his four years of high school. However, after befriending a snap back wearing dudebro in his show choir, Ian's goal of complete invisibility might become a little bit more challenging.





	1. Elegant Past All Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> so my original notes were a lot more in depth but turns out i have a keyboard shortcut that automatically refreshes my page and it is conveniently by my brightness button. I don't really want to type out all that I said originally so:
> 
> 1\. Anything that is in Italics AND center aligned represents Ian's thoughts/inner monologue.
> 
> 2\. Yes, I wrote a high school show choir AU for the dudes in Hidden block and Normal boots.  
> Yes, I made most of them stoners.  
> Art is subjective, which is me saying "Don't take this work too seriously, because the writer isn't taking it seriously in the slightest and isn’t even sure why he wrote it in the first place."
> 
> 3\. Each chapter will have a mini soundtrack (about 5-7 songs each), here is TAPE 1:  
> https://playmoss.com/en/charliekelly/playlist/bravery-tape-1

   If Ian had to hear that god damn choreographer say “step-ball touch” one more time, he’d probably have a mental breakdown. He hated whenever any of his peers were asked to help choreograph, because for months afterwards they would constantly talk and rave about it as if they were given the chance of a lifetime or some bullshit, even though their choir director picked basically anyone to choreograph. It’s not like any of them knew more than Ian did in regards to choreography, if anything he probably knew more than some of them. And even those who probably did know more than him, were still elitist as fuck afterwards. Despite all the disdain he’s had for the other student choreographers in the past, he wasn’t sure why he hated this new one so much. It wasn’t even hate that he felt, his feeling was indescribable.  
“Okay, take a water break and come back to your positions,” the snapback wearing dudebro declared.  
“Dude, I have never seen you try so hard during dance days! Are you feeling okay? Is this the REAL Ian Macleod?” Ian’s buddy, Jeff, joked. Ian had been friends with Jeff ever since their freshman year, they met in beginning choir and have been practically inseparable since. Jeff was the first person Ian came out to, and has been one of the only people Ian trusts with that information.  
“Shut up, man! it’s my senior year, can’t I try a little bit?”  
“I mean, i’m all for you actually giving a shit about something, but you haven’t cared at all up until today! something is up, and I want to hear about it.”  
“Not right now, man. Later,” Ian pushed jeff aside and went back to his position. Dance partners with Ashlyn, yet again, but he wasn’t complaining. When they first met she was the biggest conservative he’s ever met, but now she’s only kind of conservative which is a step in the right direction.  
“Hey, Ashlyn-“  
“IAN!! Oh, by the way, I met this kid in my math class with a transgendered flag pin on his jacket and i was like ‘hey what are your pronouns?’ and he was like ‘oh, he/him thanks for asking!’ and I was so excited about it that I just HAD to tell you!” Ashley gushed.  
“Hey, great job Ashlyn! Remember, we don’t say ‘transgenderED,’ it’s offensive, okay?” Ian replied in a somewhat sarcastic tone. He was extremely patient with her, since he knew she wasn’t TRULY bigoted, just kind of stupid.  
“Oh, okay! I didn’t know that.”  
“I’m sure you didn’t... I did have a question though, and you’re totally going to make fun of me for this, but do you happen to know the name of that kid?” he points to the student choreographing, Ashlyn’s jaw immediately drops.  
“Are you kidding me? That’s Luke Sizemore, he’s basically a campus celebrity, have you listened to his soundcloud? It’s YoungTown, incase you haven’t.”  
“Ah, okay, well I guess I’ll give it a listen sometime.” A soundcloud rapper? Seriously? That has to be one of the lamest straight white guy archetypes ever, especially since he picked the stupidest name ian has ever heard. Even so, Ian found himself admiring the future frat guy, much to Ian’s dismay.  
  
   The rest of the dance period was okay, basic dance moves for a pop set so Ian can’t really complain since it’s not a lot of physical exertion. Ian begins to walk to what _was_ his 6th period class, but Jeff runs and stops him.  
“Bro, are you mental today? Did you just completely forget you have a half day?” He exclaimed in front of the entire flood of disgusting freshman going to get their lunch.  
“Oh, yeah, forgot I was given that freedom,” Ian said nonchalantly, Jeff was right. Ian was feeling very strange in Choir today and wasn't sure why. “I’m not sure what’s up, part of me thinks it has something to do with that luke guy.”  
“Ooo~ i think someone has a cru-u-ush!” Jeff said way louder than needed to be in front of all of his peers.  
“Shut UP, man! You know how I don't want anybody besides you knowing about my sexuality. And, no, it’s definitely not a crush,” Ian was able to say this with complete confidence, because he has a crush on only one person, and that’s Jeff. Ian has been enamored by Jeff from the first moment they met. He’s always been the perfect man in Ian’s eyes; confident, charismatic, really, really handsome, and an overall sweet guy. He can be somewhat of a dud sometimes, but in a sweet and charming way. Even so, Jeff was straight — like, super straight, which Ian couldn’t help, so he was more than happy to be his friend. However, if the opportunity of a possible hookup with his best friend arose, Ian would gladly take it.  
“Whatever, dude, you seemed really out of it today. And when I say that, i mean that you actually tried today, which is weird knowing you.”  
“Well, maybe I’m beginning to grow a heart for my shitty choir program finally,” Ian scoffed. The two began walking to their cars and discussed their plans for the rest of the day; go eat, possibly smoke, and pass out at 6 PM in Jeff’s house, like they always do. However, when Ian tried to start his car, it made a noise and then fell silent again.  
“Shit. Battery’s dead,” Ian said to himself. Neither him nor Jeff had any sort of jumpstart cables, like the terrible car owners they are.  
“Hey, you need a hand?” a deep voice from behind Ian questioned.

_shit shit shit shit shit._

Ian knew that voice. He was subjected to listening to it for an hour and 15 minutes today.  
“Hey, Luke. Yeah, I don’t have any jump cables on me, but if you have some that would be great,” Ian was really hoping he didn’t have any so he could just leave this situation immediately.  
“Oh, don’t worry, I always come prepared!”

_Of fucking course he had jump cables, he’s the most well adjusted straight guy in the world._

As Luke helped Ian jumpstart his car, as well as go very in depth as to how to do so for next time, Ian grew more and more frustrated with the feelings he found himself developing.  

_Oh my god, I totally have a crush on this snapback wearing asshole. shit shit shit shit._

“Hey, uh, Ian? you in there?” Luke asked.  
“Oh, uh, yeah sorry, I’ve had kind of a long day,” Ian was stammering, it was becoming obvious.  
“I can tell!” Luke laughed, “Well you should be able to start your car now, hopefully.” Lo and behold, Ian’s car starts, thank god. He needed to get out of this situation quickly as possible.  
“Wow, thanks so much! It means a lot that you’d take time out of your day to help my not so well adjusted life.”  
“Hey, don’t worry about it man! I’m always willing to help someone out in need,” Luke responded and patted Ian on the shoulder.  
“God, I knew you were going to say that, you stupid fucking straight guy,” Ian whispered to himself as Luke left.  
He turned to see Jeff still standing by his unmoved car, next to Ian’s, chortling.  
“If you say anything about this while i’m high tonight, I’ll fucking kill you,” Ian threatened.  
“Okay, okay I won’t, I promise. I will say you did not break eye contact with him once during that interaction. Well, except the time you looked at his dick pr-“ Ian threw his music folder at Jeff, promptly shutting him up. “Ah, jesus! I’m sorry!”  
“Yeah, I’m sure you are. Now you have to reorganize my folder, asshat.” After getting their weekly rations of taco bell, the two headed to Jeff’s parent absent house to do their daily deed of doing illegal substances.  
  
Three bowls and one trip to circle K later, they found themselves playing  Dark Souls on Jeff’s living room couch. Well, Jeff was playing and Ian was watching, but in their eyes they were both playing. It was a normal weekday for them, and neither of them were complaining. Well, at least Ian wasn’t. Ian wasn’t entirely sure if Jeff enjoyed his company as much as Ian enjoyed Jeff’s. Jeff has never complained in the past, but Jeff is so much more social than Ian could ever be.

_Does he even enjoy spending this much time with me?_

_Would he rather be hanging out with someone else?_

_Why does he agree to do this everyday if he’d rather be doing something else?_

_With someone else._

“Oh shit, bro read this message Luke just sent me,” Jeff handed his phone to Ian, promptly interrupting his anxiety spiral.  
Ian read the text aloud: “ ‘Yo dude, next Saturday is my birthday and I managed to get my parents out of the house for that weekend, so I was thinking of having a little kick back with some friends to celebrate my 18th, you wanna come? Also, I don’t have his number but Ian is also invited and I’d love to see him there!’ Huh.”  
“Dude we should go! It’s not even going to be a party, so no major social interaction. It’s, like, a perfect Saturday for you!” Jeff exclaimed. Party’s were never Ian’s thing, even though he gets invited to decent amount of them. He’s not the biggest fan of social mingling with a bunch of drunk toddlers.  
“I mean, he did say it won’t be that many people so i guess i’m down to-“ before Ian could finish his sentence Jeff excitedly hollered.  
“YEAH, BOYEE! Finally you’re going to interact with people outside of school for once!” Jeff pulled Ian into a hug that caught him off guard.  
Ian scoffed, sure he only hung out with Jeff for the most part, but for good reason. Jeff was one of the only people Ian could trust with emotional vulnerability, like talking and laughing and social things like that.  
The rest of the night was somewhat of a blur for Ian. The moment it hits 6 PM, Ian gets irrationally tired and kind of blacks out until he eventually falls asleep.

Although Ian could give less of a shit as to what other people thought of him, he worried immensely over what Jeff thought about him. Ian was tormented by second thoughts and anxiety, all because of one dude. 

One really, super straight dude. 

However, one of the great things about Jeff is that the littlest actions mean the world to Ian. That one hug, that one  _really_ good hug completely turned Ian's anxiety around and made him feel like the happiest person in the world.


	2. Wholeheartedly Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some stuff happens in this chapter i dunno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, the fact that the first chapter even got one kudos is astounding. Thank you? I guess? I hope you guys are enjoying my dumb fanfic.   
> Anyways, as always, each chapter comes with a mini playlist that'll encompass the vibe of the chapter (this one even features some songs mentioned!). Feel free to listen along!   
> https://playmoss.com/en/charliekelly/playlist/bravery-tape-2

As Ian awoke from the blaring sound of his phone alarm, he checked his phone for anything interesting. No texts from his mom, unsurprisingly, but one text from an unknown number. As he opened it, his heart immediately fell to his stomach,

_‘Hey, this is Ian’s number right? Jeff gave me your number last night, and I’m super stoked for you to come to my birthday kickback next week! by the way, this is Luke lol’_

Ian immediately woke up Jeff with a harsh shake, pent up with anger.

“DUDE, what the fuck?! you don’t have to wake me up so violently!” Jeff groggily said.

“Why the hell did you give Luke my number?”

“Uh, because you asked?” What the fuck. Ian did not remember asking for Luke’s number at all last night.

“No, I did not, there is no way I would have asked that. Besides, you must have given it to him, because he sent the first text!”

“You’re right, he did send the first text because you asked me, ‘Hey can I have luke’s number?’ And I was like ‘Sure it’s-‘ and then you interrupted with ‘No no no, give him MY number so that way I don’t have to make the first move.’ That is, word for word, what you said to me!” The more Ian thought about it, it made sense. he totally would have asked Jeff to give Luke his number so Ian didn’t have to send the first text.

“Well, I guess I have no reason to be mad at you, but I still am.”

“As I expected. Also, dude, it’s like 6:00 AM school doesn’t start until 7:30.”

“Which is exactly why I am going to spend 5 dollars on an iced coffee and then go to school!” Ian responded.

“UGH, you bottoms and your iced coffee! I’m going back to bed, see you at school, bottom.” As Ian left, he decided it was probably best to respond to Luke.

_‘oh, hey luke!_ yeah i’m _super excited to go to your birthday thing next week if you need me to bring something just let me know’_ Perfect. it only took the whole ten-minute drive to perfectly construct, but now it was ready to send. As he pulled into the coffee shop, it was clear that the drive-through was not an option, way too long of a line. He groaned, now having to stand in line and possibly interact with the barista more than he would ever want to in his whole life. The moment he walked out of his car he heard someone calling his name. It was Ashlyn, in her range rover that her rich and loving parents bought her for her 16th birthday.

“Ian! I-I-Ian!!” the blonde called.

“Oh, hey Ashlyn!” She began to wave him down to her car, in the middle of the drive-through. Ian would rather talk to the barista for an extended amount of time than get into her car, but she left him no choice. After stepping into her car, Ashlyn bombarded him with talking.

“So, I heard you’re going to Luke’s next week! That’s so unlike you, but I’m so glad you’re going! I feel like you’re super reserved when you're sober, but when intoxicated you’re the complete opposite!” Where Ashlyn came to that conclusion, he wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t totally wrong. He’s always been a little bit more talkative when he was high. Oh god, oh no, that means he will be talkative at Luke’s.

“Yeah, that’s somewhat-“ Ian was interrupted by the over-enthusiastic barista.

_Oh no. Out of all the baristas that had to serve us, it has to be him._

“WHAT'S UP GUYS WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU GUYS THIS BEAUTIFUL TUESDAY MORNING??” the overly excited and most likely coked up barista asked. It was one of Ian’s Grindr fuck-buddies, Paul. Ian was hoping Paul was too stupid to remember him.

“So, I’m gonna have a large double rainbro rebel, Ian what about you?”

“Wait, Ian?”

_Oh no. Oh god no_

“IAN!! Aw, man, I haven’t seen you since summer, how have you been?”

“Uh, I’ve been good, I’ll have-“ Ian was interrupted

“Wait? you guys know each other? that’s so crazy, we really DO live in a small world,” Ashlyn seemed too excited about this meeting of the faggots. She didn’t know about Ian being gay, and it was best to keep it that way. Not that she’d stop being friends with Ian or anything like that, she would just feel the need to tell everybody which would effectively ruin Ian's life.

“Oh yeah, we know each other very well!” Paul joked.

_oh god, don’t say it like that._

“Alright, what can I get you to drink, Ian?”

Ian sighed, “medium iced kicker. no whip, please.”

“You remain a creature of habit, Ian. Alright, well you both take care and I’ll see you both around!” Paul walked off to get the rest of everyone’s orders.

“So how do you guys know each other?” of course she had to ask him that. Ian panicked, what should he say?

_keep it cool Ian, say something normal and NOT gay._

“Uh, church camp,” Ian reluctantly responded.

_Nice one, idiot._

As Ashlyn pulled up to the window, they were greeted by another barista and blaring EDM music. “Okay, I have the large double rainbro rebel and the large iced kicker no whip, and you guys are all set!”

“Wait, we didn’t pay-“

“Don’t worry, it’s on Paul!”

_Fucking hell, of course, he had to pay for our drinks. Next time, why don’t you just make out with me right in front of my bible banging parents?_

“Aw, how nice of him! He even gave you a size large instead of medium!” Ashlyn sipped her battery acid. Yeah, real nice of him. “I was going to pay for your drink anyways, but I’m pretty happy I didn’t have to pay for mine!”

“Oh, well, thanks for thinking about doing that anyway,” Ian responded. She didn’t have to offer to do that, and Ian was confused as to why she would in the first place.

“Of course! You’re my friend and my friends deserve to get treated, especially since you’ve been helping me be a more inclusive person!” That’s... awfully sweet of her to say, Ian never thought his actions were actually positively affecting Ashlyn in any way so it’s nice to know she’s changing. Almost immediately after Ashlyn drops Ian back at his car, he gets a text from Jeff. ‘ _Hey man, I know you’re probably still in that long ass line, but I’m thinking about the idea of driving and it’s really bringing my mood down. can u drive me to school?'_  Ian sighed and smiled, it wasn’t abnormal for Jeff to just not feel like driving.

‘ _Sure thing, see you in ten minutes. You better be ready by the time I’m there._ ’ Ian knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through this day sober, so after he pulled up to Jeff's house, he walked inside to get at least the tiniest bit of high before he had to go to school. Luckily, Jeff's parents left early for work and came home late, so he could easily smoke in the comfort of someone else’s house.

“I knew you’d still be in bed by the time I got here,” Ian remarked.

“Listen, I’m basically ready,” Jeff responded.

“Yeah, if your idea of ready for school is shirtless, sweaty, and terrible morning breath.” Jeff groaned and began to actually get ready. Ian started to load his one-hitter since he didn’t want to get too high. “Hey, wait, leave some for me! I smoked you out last night I think I deserve a little bit of yours,” Jeff whined.

“If you can get ready before I finish this, then be my guest.” Jeff quickly brushed his teeth, brushed his hair and made himself look somewhat presentable, just for the tiniest bit of weed humanly possible. “Jeff stop being such a desperate stoner challenge,” Ian joked.

“I don’t know what you just said to me, but no.” “Oh, I forgot you’re straight and don’t understand gay humor.”

“And I doubt I ever will,” Jeff and Ian laughed. As much as Ian hated admitting it to himself, it really did suck that Jeff was straight. They felt almost perfect together, like they were meant to be or something stupid like that.

   They got into Ian’s car and almost immediately Jeff complained about Ian's music choice. “I mean, do we HAVE to listen to your sad indie shit at 7:15 in the morning?”

“Helvetia is a good band, fuck off breeder.”

“Yeah they’re good, but kind of a downer.”

“Fine, I’ll play something that ISN’T a downer, since you’re so demanding.” After fiddling through his Spotify playlists he found one that wasn’t depressing.

“ _I've been busy thinkin' 'bout boys,_ ” Charli Xcx blared through his car speakers, like the skinny legend she is.

“Okay, this wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s better than listening to your depression music,” Jeff scoffed. He didn’t understand, Charli Xcx was both a skinny legend and the queen of the gays. As they got out of Ian’s car in the school parking lot, they heard someone calling Ian’s name.

_christ, why does everybody want to talk to me today?_

It was Luke, who was jogging towards them from his car. “Hey, Ian I don’t know if you got my text since you didn’t respond, but I just wanted to say that I’m excited for you to come to my birthday next week!”

“O-oh, I guess I forgot to send the text, I’m sorry about that. If you need me to bring anything, let me know,” Ian said with an extreme lack of confidence.

“Oh, well now that you mention it, I don’t have a dealer anymore so I was wondering if you guys could just pitch in some weed? you don’t have to, but if you can that’d be great.”

“We can... try to pick up enough for everybody, as long as everybody pitches in,” Ian responded reluctantly.

“Are you serious? That’d be awesome! Thanks so much!” Luke hugged Ian and Jeff, which left Ian motionless as Luke walked into the school.

“Dude, are you crazy? There is no way we can pick up that much by next Saturday!” Jeff hit Ian in the back of the shoulder.

“Bro, today is Tuesday and the kickback is next week, we have time to get money and pick up by then. Plus, he said that there aren’t going to be that many people there, and who knows how many of them will want to smoke?”

“Okay, fine, it’s feasible, but it’s still not a good idea.”

“I get paid on Friday, I got this.” In reality, Ian does not got this. In fact, he knew it was a stupid idea and wasn’t going to pan out well. He wasn’t even sure why he agreed to do accomplish such a task, probably to get Luke’s attention and get him to fall in love with him.

“C’mon lover boy,” Jeff tussled Ian’s hair. “School is about to start.” Jeff and Ian walked into the school gates together, Ian began to feel himself start to panic

_What if I can't get enough by Saturday? Will Luke be mad at me? I should've never gone through with this._

_I should have never agreed to go to this stupid party, they're not my thing._

_I'm so stupid, I wish it was May already so I can graduate and get the fuck out of here._

"Hello? Ian? Can you hear me?" Ian didn't notice Jeff saying his name. Ian hated getting lost in his thoughts.

"Uuh, yeah, sorry just... lost in my thoughts again."

"Yikes. Maybe you should stop smoking weed before school, you deadbeat stoner," Jeff joked in an attempt to cheer Ian up.

"Pfft, guess so," Ian knew that wasn't the reason he'd always get lost in intrusive thoughts, but maybe smoking every day didn't help. The one-minute warning bell rang.

"Oh shit! My class is halfway across campus, see you later dude!" Jeff began running to his class.

"See ya."

"Hey! If you need anything, text me, okay?"

"I'll be fine, but thanks anyway," Ian and Jeff parted ways. Even if he wasn't so great at showing it, it was always nice of Jeff to show Ian that he cared. Ian often had intrusive thoughts of self-hate and anxiety, and Jeff knew that, so he always tries to find ways to make Ian feel cared about. Even if it wasn't very great, Ian always appreciated the sentiment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont really have anything else to say, next chapter will come soon (I promise this time)

**Author's Note:**

> I know this chapter is super short, but I promise to make the future chapters longer! I wanted to give enough context and story without bombarding you guys with words. 
> 
> This is my first time posting on a fanfiction site in AGES, so I'm a little rusty. If you guys have any critiques or suggestions, I am all ears!
> 
> Next chapter should be posted within the next week or so.


End file.
